Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
