So gin and wine won't be happening again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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