If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
