3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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