Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
did i just pee glitter
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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