Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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