I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
