4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
