The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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