Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
