I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
