wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
