We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
