bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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