when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
