I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
