U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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