i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
