we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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