i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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