I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
