is wine microwaveable?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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