He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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