he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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