Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
