I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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