i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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