I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
