Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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