So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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