I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
