Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
