I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
