You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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