At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
