Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
