so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
