Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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