she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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