Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Are we still banned from the library?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
