I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
