The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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