Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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