woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
