What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
