His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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