she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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