I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
