I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My life is pants optional.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
