My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
