and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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