I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
