I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
