I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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