Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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